It all started on a Tuesday. Freddie doesn’t have nursery on a Tuesday. Mummy doesn’t like Tuesdays.
Mummy asked Freddie what he would like for breakfast. The options included toast with marmite or cereal or scrambled eggs.
SWEETIES demanded Freddie.
No darling it’s 5:45 in the morning you are not having sweeties.
Freddie’s self harming journey started here; he started slapping his face and crying. NO MAMA I NEED SWEETIES.
Sorry darling but you can either have cereal, toast or scrambled eggs.
This is where Freddie lobbed his bot bot juice at mummy and mummy lost her shit.
FINE. HAVE BLOODY SWEETIES BUT WHEN YOU HAVE ROTTEN TEETH AND DIABETES DON’T BLAME ME!
Freddie giggled and said thank oo mama.
After Freddie finished his sweeties he started to cry and ask where his scrambled eggs were.
You said you didn’t want any flaming scrambled eggs!
No mama I NEED bambood eggs NAOW.
Okay okay! I’ll make them now.
Mummy even made sure to serve them on his favourite plate with mickey mouse on with his orange minion fork.
NO MAMA I NEED A SHPOON.
But yesterday you wanted to eat your scrambled egg with a fork!
For fuck sake mummy that was yesterday!!! Today is today!!!!!!!
Mama what we have for lunch?
Pasta with pesto and cheese?
Eugh no thank oo yuck mummy
Packet of crisps and dunkers?
Mummy had the leftover dunkers and crisps for lunch along with a bite of cheese and a handful of chocolate buttons. The next morning when mummy weighed herself she had put on a few pounds which was very confusing as mummy skipped lunch yesterday.
Come afternoon mummy was begging for some adult conversation so she rang the other half and asked him how much debt they’ll be in once they’ve paid the bills this month. Mummy felt much better after this phone call and felt prepared for an afternoon of little baby bum nursery rhymes on YouTube.
Before bedtime mummy asked Freddie if he’s going to stay in his bed all night and sleep right through till a half decent time. He laughed and said ‘silly mama’. Mummy knows where she stands now.
Like what you see? Please don’t hesitate to email me for business or collaboration enquiries at firstname.lastname@example.org